When deciding to post this morning I was surprised to see how long it had been since I last added to this blog. Time flies when you're having fun, as they say, and although I am still experiencing the effects of 48 weeks of treatment, I am slowly feeling better.I also no longer spend 90% of my time in bed with only my laptop and pets for company. When I look back at that time, I realize there was something to be gained from the isolation. It was a kind of spiritual retreat, a Vision Quest in a sense. I came to terms with my own mortality, a giant developmental step for anyone in Mid-life. I learned how to be alone with my thoughts which nurtured my creativity as I searched for ways to express the turmoil that was raging inside a body that was too sick and tired to let anything out in a way that required physical effort or social interaction.
I'm also realizing now that the long road back to Me, is really a blank canvas which is both an end and a beginning, another chapter in the ongoing story of living with Hep C. I feel as if the old me is molting like a bird, and I am left to pluck off the feathers that no longer serve a purpose and carefully groom the ones I need to help me fly. I can't fly too far yet, but day by day I practice. Sometimes I return to my nest exhausted, in need of more rest and recuperation. Rebuilding one's self is no easy task, and my mind, body and spirit have taken a beating. Sometimes I want to fall into the Victim role (it's so easy and familiar!) but I choose not to take on the role. I am not a Hero either, but more of an Adventurer or Seeker as I traverse the path to recovery.
I am looking for a road map to help me on my journey, I read so much about Hep C and treatment while immersed in the experience, for a while I was saturated with Hep C information and needed to separate myself. Now as I realize the trip doesn't end with that last shot of Interferon I'll be looking for guides to help me along the way as I recover. If anyone knows of any books, blogs, websites etc. that are dedicated to the story of post treatment please do share and I will use the information well. And of course I will pass it on to others who are on the same path.
Thanks all!
Peace and Good Health,
Jenny
Image courtesy of the Graphics Fairy
http://www.graphicsfairy.blogspot.com/
© 2011 Jennifer Hazard
