For What it's Worth

Week 40 (roughly) and I do mean roughly. I no longer recognize myself when I look in the mirror. I have lost
 35 lbs, I already have a thin face which now seems skeletal at certain angles. I've cut my hair the shortest it's been since the Punk era. I don't bother to put on make up anymore so the circles under my eyes are making their own fashion statement. You don't even want to know what's going on under my clothes, let's just say I've aged quite a bit this past year.
When I run into people that I haven't seen for a while, I can see the skepticism in their eyes when they ask "are you sure it's worth it? for a coin toss?"
 Is it worth it?
Who really knows? If I achieve SVR of course it will be worth it. If I slow down the progression of the disease, yeah probably worth it. If I don't clear the virus? Who knows? Who knows what progression the virus would've taken if I hadn't treated? This is a quirky disease, it doesn't play by the rules, you never know when it's going to sneak up on you...or not.
But isn't that the way life is, really? Are there any certainties? Decisions have to be made on a daily basis, some bigger than others.When you are faced with a chronic medical condition, some choices have more at stake.
After lots of research, conversations with  others who've been through this, meeting with my doctors and completing all the testing (I'll never forget 15 vials of blood at the lab) I ultimately went with my intuition when deciding to treat. I've learned to trust my gut, most of this education was bestowed upon me as a result of the consequences of not trusting my gut! Once I have made a decision, I typically don't look back. I may end up changing my course somewhere down the road but once my mind is set the wheels are in motion and there's nowhere to go but forward. Granted I've made some, shall we say, unwise decisions in my days, but I've made some damn good ones too. Everything that has manifested is, I believe, part of the lesson I'm here on this earth to learn.
So is it worth it?

Of course

© 2010 Jennifer Hazard